Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
