Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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