hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
Randomize
