On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
