Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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