Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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