4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We left an ass print on the piano.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
