We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
