I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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