That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
