He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
