Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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