your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
