Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
