YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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