there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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