Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
