I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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