She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
