you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
