i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
