You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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