Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
