Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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