I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
