can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
