her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
