What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
