So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
