am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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