Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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