4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
