I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize