i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
