that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
