You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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