and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
