I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
