before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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