the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
