I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
