Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
