I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
