the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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