and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
