i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
