I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
