apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
