it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
