Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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