So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You made out with two different species that night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
