Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
