Porn is love you can see.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
