dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I puked a lego.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
