I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize