I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
