New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
