i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
