alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
