Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
