Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
