I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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