we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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