Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
