Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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