I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My vagina is officially offended.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
