YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
