I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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