My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
