Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She swung at the pinata with crutches
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
