i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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