I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
