Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
