So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
