You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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