we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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